Monday, August 21, 2006

News: John Naughton Certified as Braindead; Few are Surprised

In my first ever attention grabbing, go out on a limb, blog post, I decided to comment on John Naughton including Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends (1984-1991) among his worst 50 TV shows of all time (discussed here). The inevitable conclusion of his including Thomas and Friends on such a list is that he's lost his mind. I suppose there might be other conclusions... feel free to post below should you think of any but my list is as follows:
  1. John Naughton is so stupid that he sits on the TV and watches the couch
  2. John Naughton recently sat on an airplane in close proximity to a loud-mouthed Thomas loving 2 year old
  3. John Naughton thought no one would pay any attention to him unless he said something so stupid that it was news worthy (I have no doubt that this is true... whether he realizes it I have no idea)
  4. John Naughton is a pen name for John Naughty who never got any toys when he was a lad
  5. John Naughton is so stupid, he put lipstick on his head just to make up his mind
  6. If brains were dynamite, John Naughton wouldn't have enough to blow his nose
  7. If you gave John Naughton a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change
  8. John Naughton once took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff
  9. You can make John Naughton's eyes twinkle by shining a light in his ears
  10. If you asked John Naughton to speak his mind, he'd be speechless
  11. John Naughton's so stupid that he once got hit by a parked car
  12. John Naughton orders his sushi well done
But I guess he's entitled to his opinions too.


At 6:14 AM, Anonymous Jeannie B. said...

It's entirely possible he was acting on orders from aliens. I hear that happened to him a few years ago.

At 7:49 AM, Anonymous Dogbert said...

I don't think he's stupid... maybe he's just French.

At 8:14 AM, Blogger Alexa said...

I'm not sure I get it dogbert. Anyhow, I wouldn't say he's stupid, but I will say he's
A few feathers short of a whole duck. You know: All foam, no beer. He couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He's a few beers short of a six-pack, a few clowns short of a circus, a few crumbs short of a crouton.
He's few fries short of a Happy Meal, a few peas short of a casserole.
He's an experiment in Artificial Stupidity with an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
You know, He's as smart as bait.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
We think his Chimney's clogged.
He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Maybe he forgot to pay his brain bill.
He has the intelligence of a Carrot.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
His sewing machine's out of thread.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
He's missing a few buttons on his remote control.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's one Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl and one taco short of a combination plate.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.


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